A Crazy Beautiful Day

Twin Baby Blessings, and a Priesthood Ordination... Big day, right?! I had NO idea!

I have found with twins, that as long as I can think ahead and be prepared, I can handle SO much more than typical. Knowing this about myself, and knowing the kind of day that was coming up, I spent my entire Saturday prepping for our family to get to church at 9 am the following day. I got the church bag ready, the clothes laid out, the snacks, the bottles, the spare outfits, the diapers... you name it. I even ironed!!!! With help from family, we had the house cleaned, and lunch prepared for AFTER church, even. I was happy, I was prepared. We were GOLDEN. Heck, I even had time to go out for dinner with my Sister-in-law, and decorate my house for my Brother-in-law's birthday! I mean, there's no such thing as a "Super Mom," but I sure felt like one.

I'm so glad I was prepared for the day I EXPECTED January 5, 2020 to be. 

Because I truly had NO idea what that day was about to bring. 

The next morning, we were running like a well-oiled machine. I even said to myself... "Dang... I can't believe we haven't had a casualty, and we are going to be like 10/15 min early!" 

Bad Idea, Jillian.

The last two things I needed to do before we left were... Leyna's hair, and dress the babies. I put Leyna up on the bathroom counter like I have a million times before, and realized I didn't have her hair stuff out yet. (PREPAREDNESS, PEOPLE!) I bent over for two seconds when I saw her feet fly in the air, and watched as she fell from the bathroom counter, down onto her back, slamming her head on the tile floor. I was too late to catch her, and I screamed, "NOOOOOOOO!!!"

She didn't pass out, thankfully, but of course started screaming. I immediately swept her up, and brought her to Bryan to check for signs of a concussion. I felt awful, of course, but we needed to get to church, so we kept moving forward. We tried to calm her down so we could finish getting ready and get to church since the baby blessings are at the very beginning. Well... Just in case you didn't already figure it out... we were no longer "killing our schedule." LOL. Somehow, though, I was able to still remain calm through all of this. I called family, told them what happened, and asked if they could help get us out the door. Family members came IMMEDIATELY, and I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for all of their help. Some took kids to the church building, some dressed babies and got them in carseats, and some made my bed (because, let's be honest, I'm a little OCD, and I knew after a morning like this one, coming home to an unmade bed would send me over the edge)...

All of their help allowed Bryan and I to tend to Leyna. I did her hair again... (I already admitted to my OCD issues, ok?)... on the bathroom counter... :) but this time, her eyes were rolling back into her head, and she was COMPLETELY white. I knew she had a concussion, and she was going to vomit at any time. We grabbed some ziploc baggies, loaded the babies up in the van, didn't even DARE buckle Leyna in her carseat, and drove the 4/5 blocks to church with her sucking her thumb on Daddy's lap.

Somehow, we still managed to get to church on time!!!! Early, even. We had seats saved for us front and center. I handed babies and bottles off to family members, and walked over to Bryan and Leyna. He was going to have to get up to perform the baby blessings, so I figured if I needed to pull her away from her dad, it was better to do it now. She usually isn't partial to which parent she gets, but I didn't know what to expect after a fall like that. Right as I was reaching for her, and MINUTES before the meeting began... it happened. Leyna threw up all over herself AND Bryan!

Once again... here came the helping hands. Bryan was covered in vomit, I had tried to catch it, it's all over Leyna and on the floor, church was about to start, and we were front and center. We had family members and friends cleaning up the floor, washing clothes in the sinks, and packs of baby wipes came from all directions.

It was this one moment when I looked all around me in disbelief. One moment.

This was my day.

It was not the day I had planned... but it was happening.

Tears welled up in my eyes for just a moment when someone asked what they could do, and I said,

"I don't know."

Our bishop is the director of ICU, and after talking to him, he suggested taking her to the emergency room, and asked us if we still wanted to do the baby blessings. Well... with all of this family in town, and being seconds away from it now??? Yes. "Yes, let's still do it."

The meeting began, Bryan was as calm as a cucumber, and somehow.... I was too. Heaven must have been with us. The babies were being fed and cuddled, my big kids were... well, let's be honest, I have no idea. I just knew they were okay. And I just cuddled Leyna. I held her in my arms, and tried to keep her awake, but happy. 10 minutes. All we needed her to do was make it 10 minutes, and then Bryan could take her to the hospital.

Then it was Peter's turn for his blessing. Amidst all the chaos, and in a vomit-stained suit, Bryan was able to feel the spirit of the Holy Ghost, and gave Peter a beautiful blessing. Seconds into it, though, Leyna threw up on my lap, and my mom took her out immediately. And there were those baby wipes that came out of nowhere again! #helpinghands #heavenlyhelp Worried about Leyna, I had a hard time concentrating on Peter's blessing, but I recognized one specific word-- "TESTIMONY." Peter was being blessed with a testimony of his Savior. <3

Peter was handed off to me, and now it was sweet Claire's turn. Can I just tell you how amazing it is to have twins?! I feel so lucky! It is beyond crazy, but to have the opportunity to see two of your children grow at the VERY same time... it's amazing! Bryan took her in his arms, and gave a second blessing, as individually personal as the first one was. He spoke a great deal about her family, love, and expressing who she is-- a daughter of God.

How blessed I am to have this man in my life who can have one child throwing up on him, but minutes later, can be in tune with the Spirit-- enough to give his twins a personal blessing from their Father in Heaven. (Don't worry... he still drives me crazy plenty of times... but as I'm writing this, I'm realizing how deeply fortunate I am).

I digress... "Baby B," as my dad still likes to call her, :) was then handed off to a family member, and Bryan left church to take Leyna to the Emergency Room. I stayed back with the babies and the rest of our family, and had the opportunity to bear my testimony to our congregation... It would also prove to be the last time I would ever get to speak to them because that afternoon we ended up being moved to another Ward. Talk about an emotional day! All these people who had quickly become our friends... and I was going to have to go to church with another congregation starting the following week.  It wasn't the end of the world, but it made me sad.

The major points of my testimony; however, were 1) I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessings that I had, and the help we have received since moving to St. George. And 2) In years past, I would have recognized a day like that as a punishment from God, but this time, I recognized it as an opportunity to see every blessing along my way that helped me to get through it. "Here I am standing as a witness of God's goodness. Life might not be perfect, but Heavenly Father has blessed me with so many good people-- to help me take care of the very blessings I don't even have enough hands to take care of myself."

Bryan and Leyna stayed at the hospital for observation, accompanied by more family, of course, because that's the theme of our day! While the rest of us came home to celebrate my awesome Brother-in-law's birthday, and we played one KILLER game of charades!

I have no idea how I was able to be so happy at that time, but I was! Of course, I was worried, and I was trying hard not to blame myself for Leyna falling, but ultimately, I was just at peace. I felt bad for James, though. He was being so patient... but he had been looking forward to receiving the priesthood for over a year, and it was supposed to happen at home right after church. Instead, his dad was at the hospital with his little sister, and we didn't even know what events were going to follow.

Back at the hospital, Leyna had to be observed for 3 hours from the time she hit her head, and we were basically hoping to see her bounce back. She didn't really... :( and she even threw up again in the ER, so things weren't looking good. We thought she was going to have to get a CT scan to check for hemorrhaging, and possibly be admitted.

I won't lie, though... at this point, one of my major concerns was embarrassingly... "How am I going to get a picture of EVERYONE together?" Yes.... photographs are kind of everything to me right now-- there's a deeper reason as to why-- but for now, let's just say it's embarrassing. More on that another time.

I was about to give up on my little dream to have all of my incredible family members who made this day so memorable all in one picture at one time, when I received a call from Bryan that they were coming home! I could not believe my ears, and I was ecstatic!

When they walked through the door, I immediately reached for my sweet baby girl. Her jammies smelled like vomit, and she was sad, clingy, cuddly, and hurting. But she was okay. And she was HOME. I never wanted to let her go. I looked around me, and we had boys hitting balls off a tee into a net, moms holding babies, Dads cracking jokes, sun shining, my sister was taking pictures, and I swear angels were singing. It was seriously like a dream to me.

And then we took our family pictures. All combinations that you could possibly think of. And thanks to my sister, Jana... it didn't even take that long! (She's kinda bossy and impatient) ;) Totally kidding! That's me.

We all came inside, and Bryan gave his FOURTH blessing of the day (because he blessed Leyna at the hospital too)... and it was perfect-- focusing on service and the priesthood.

Have I mentioned this guy is amazing?!

At the conclusion of the blessing, James looked at me with tears in his eyes, and I had tears in mine. We had an unspoken understanding of what the other was thinking, and I was supremely proud of him, yet incredibly humbled to be his mom. He is a good young man.

Then, the party could really start! Leyna stayed close to Bryan or I at first, but slowly started warming up to others again-- giggling, walking, and eating! Family ate, visited, sang happy birthday, and ate and visited some more. *Oh... and then I left to pick up my wallet that I left at the restaurant the night before.... DOH! And my sister had to get her tire fixed that was literally about to burst... LOL.

I came home, took my heels off for the first time that day, breathed a big sigh of relief, took off my dress that smelled like vomit, put on a sweater that felt like a warm hug, and sat down on the couch...

And I'm pretty sure I didn't leave that spot the rest of the day.

IT WAS A CRAZY BEAUTIFUL DAY!

Life isn't perfect, is it? And it's taken me years to understand that it's not supposed to be. The perfect part of life is that if we let our loved ones take care of us when we need it, we can get through any storm that comes our way.***


*** I'm gonna need that reminder one day when I'm having a really hard time in the future.

<3 Signing off...

Can Our Hearts Really Take Anymore?

<3 My Heart. <3 

My heart is ACHING.

My heart is BREAKING.

Can our hearts handle one more thing?

How much more can we take?

Is God trying to break us?

I just don't know.

I have a friend whose 4 year-old boy has just suffered from a MAJOR stroke. And when I say major, I mean, his life will now forever be in danger. They almost lost him then, and now they will live in fear of losing him every day. I can't even wrap my head around this. Is it not enough that this sweet boy has sickle-cell anemia? Is it not enough that he's already been hospitalized WAY more than any 4 year-old ever should be? 

Is it not enough that his parents have suffered approximately EIGHT miscarriages? Is it not enough that they gave birth to, and lost a baby boy at 20 weeks? Is it not enough that they went through a grueling adoption process to become the parents of this sweet, happy, and adventurous 4 year-old boy?

WHEN IS IT ENOUGH?

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO THEM, OF ALL PEOPLE?

I have never met such dedicated parents. I have tears streaming down my face as I am typing this. HOW is this happening to them? I don't know if she has ever complained about her four children, and that's all I ever seem to do. She fought SO fiercely and desperately to have these babies join her family, and I'm pretty sure mine jumped into my womb the second Bryan winked at me. Seriously, though. 

Does she love her children more than I love mine? Probably not. 

Do we express it differently? Probably.

Is she more patient with her 4 kids than I am with mine? Oh yes. OH YES.

Does she appreciate them a million times more than I do? 

A RESOUNDING YES!

Did she work a million times harder to get those babies here? Most definitely.

It's amazing how much more we appreciate something that we've worked so tirelessly for.

But that makes it all the more devastating when it just gets ripped right out from under us.

Why is their baby's health just getting ripped right out from under them?

Now, I know we are here to learn and grow, and I know we all have our different trials. But some people just REALLY seem to get the short end of the stick. ALWAYS. 

As much as this situation has helped me appreciate what I have, I WOULD NEVER wish this on someone just so I could appreciate my children more. 

PLEASE! 

TAKE IT BACK! GIVE HER BACK HER HEALTHY BOY!

I have another friend who is battling cancer while taking care of her 5 children.

I have (as many of you know) another friend who lost his wife (and mother to their two boys) in the most tragic way possible.  

I have friends who have just lost their 2 year-old nephew to cancer.

I have friends who have recently lost a close friend due to a tragic and horrific car accident.

And too many more things have happened to other friends that I can't even list them all.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!

While I have NO, absolutely NO idea what it feels like to go through what they have gone through, Bryan and I have personally seen more heartache in the last few months than we would like to admit.

Most of our heartache has to do with medical school, though. It has really been a rough go, and it's not going to get any easier in the next few months. In fact, it's going to get harder. Last week, we came to the realization that he simply isn't going to match for a residency position. He has (we have) gone through 4 years of medical school, and he may never become a doctor. I'm sure this brings up a lot of questions, but I'm going to save answering those for another day. 

I can't even tell you the amount of times I have just wanted to run away.

I have never felt so emotionally exhausted in my life. I feel like a failure, I feel angry, I feel bitter, upset, hurt, sad, defeated, discouraged, you name it.

I feel like I have reached my breaking point. 

WHEN IS IT ENOUGH?

Is it not enough that we applied for 5 years to even get into medical school to begin with? Is it not enough that he has severe dyslexia (which makes all of the studying even more grueling than it already is to the average student)? Is it not enough that we have experienced heartache after heartache as he tries to achieve his dreams? Is it not enough that we have worked our BUTTS off and are now a half million dollars in debt? 

Will he be the best doctor in the country? No.

Will he be world-renowned? Probably not.

Would he be an incredible pediatrician? Of course!

Will we appreciate it more even more if he ever lands a residency? YES!

There it is again... appreciating (beyond comprehension) the things we work so tirelessly for.

I wouldn't wish our experience on anyone, but I can't help but cringe any time I hear others complain about how it's been so hard for their husband to be away for residency interviews. I would do ANYTHING to have my husband gone for residency interviews! It kills me to hear of the "hard decision" they have to make in ranking their top choices. Is it their fault that they're there and I'm not? Absolutely not. Those are terribly hard decisions, and I would be saying the same things if I were in their shoes! But I'm not. 

And I'm suddenly PAINFULLY aware of the following:

How much do I make my sweet friend cringe every time I complain about my HEALTHY child who makes a mess? Who won't eat their dinner? Who kicked me when I asked them to put on their pajamas? Who dumps water out of the tub?

I'm sorry, friend, from the deepest corners of my heart. 

I am aching for you. I don't know how you are doing it, but I am here for you.

I have learned from you. I have rediscovered what is important.

Please forgive my shortcomings. Please forgive me for not appreciating my children like I should.  

Please be patient with me as I learn how to be.

And Dearest Father in Heaven... 

Please, bless my friends. Give them strength and comfort, and help me to see the world as my son...

"Kent, what do you want for your birthday?"

"Whatever you give me, I'm just fine with."

"Whatever you give me, I'm just fine with."

Signing off... <3

"KEEPIN' IT REAL" IS BACK!!!!

You GUYS!!!!

It has been almost TWO years since I have written a blog post! TWO YEARS!!! 

I'm sorry I have deprived you of such awesomeness for so long.

I can't explain my entire absence from the blogosphere because I just can't remember all the reasons. However, I can explain what has caused my absence for the last year or so. (And of COURSE, I will always place SOME type of blame on the fact that I have 4 children and a husband in med school.)

Where's the 4th? He doesn't like my picture taking habits. Where's my husband? Duh... Studying!

I really loved doing these "Keepin' It Real" posts back in the day. I received great feedback (from the friends who liked it, I guess). It was a great place for me to release my thoughts and emotions. I thought I was doing something special and different. I didn't want to share my day to day life on my blog. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's what my Instagram and FB pages were for. 

I wanted to be me. "Raw" me. 

That has to be refreshing to see, right?

And then... you know how when you're car shopping, and you decide that you want a specific car, and all of a sudden you see that car EVERYWHERE?! Even though you never noticed it before?

That's kind of what happened to my "Keepin' It Real" blog. 

I still like to claim that everybody copied me. THEY DID! (Okay fine... that's not true). But all of a sudden I was seeing #keepinitreal posts EVERYWHERE by every mom in every city of every state. It was out of control. I still don't know if it all happened in my head? Or did it become a trend?

I ALWAYS KNEW I'd be a trendsetter!!!! 

I have no idea. All I knew was that my "thing" was no longer "my thing." I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon. I don't do that for ANYONE or ANYTHING. I even refused to read Harry Potter for years because everybody was doing it. (Although, admittedly, I LOVE those books now!)

Basically, everyone was stealing "MY THING!"

Why am I going to write about my real life when every other mom and their DOG are doing the same thing?! It made my posts boring. It made them mundane. I thought my insights no longer held value.

But not only that....

Come to find out, They were doing the "real" bit WRONG! They were negative, they were bashing the "fake" people. They were saying stuff like, "I'm real because I don't make heart shaped cupcakes from a square muffin tin." *over-exaggeration*   Do you get my point, though?

These "real" people gave me a bad name.

They left a bad taste in my mouth.

Isaac's 1st Ocean Experience - Everyone's gotta eat some sand

All of a sudden, these "keeping it real people" were putting down everyone else who had talents where they did not; and then called them FAKE! NO, NO, NO!!!  

 I did NOT want to be a part of that! 

IS THAT HOW I SOUNDED?! 

HOW MORTIFYING.

I have friends and family members who do the most AMAZING things at home... holidays, crafts, treats, home projects, bday parties, etc. I can't do it, but I think it's amazing! 

I'm sure a few of my posts came across more negative, (i.e. my first... "The Best Job in the World") but it wasn't to complain about my children or husband, talk bad about my life or other people. I was just trying to make a point about the sheer VOLUME of posts I was seeing about this "amazing" mom life I was living! Yes, I LOVE it, and I don't want to be doing anything else, but it's hard. And I just wanted to make it clear to other young moms out there that life as a mom isn't all the dandelions and roses that you see on social media. It was merely supposed to be a reminder that when those young moms are having a bad day, it's okay. Other moms are too. On the other hand, I have also grown and matured as a mom since that first post, and do have a slightly different opinion (although I still stand by what I wrote). 

AND THEN... to make matters worse... after these intruder "real" posts seemed to hit their climax,

 the "Anti-keepin' it real" posts started coming....

"Just because I keep my house clean, doesn't mean I'm fake."

FOR THE LOVE!!!! 

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And so??? I quit. 

I saw myself in a lose-lose situation. I could NOT win with my real posts anymore. Someone was going to be offended thinking I was tearing them down. Someone was going to get offended thinking I was calling them fake. Someone was going to think I was negative and cynical. Someone was going to think I was ungrateful for my children, husband, and life. 

But that wasn't the case at all!

I LOVE MY LIFE!!! 

But some days??? I hate it.

I have flaws, I have weaknesses, and I make mistakes. 

Am I a bad person because I'm not afraid to share them? I think that's a sign of strength, is it not? 

So it was goodbye to the blogging world for awhile, and I just kept it strictly to the FB and Instagram posts. But I've really missed writing. I regularly have blog entry ideas pop into my head, and I start to compose them in my mind, but I never write them down because I honestly felt like people didn't want to hear it. "Just keep the happy pictures coming." 

But I didn't know where I fit into that.

It's not that I'm not happy, but I'm not perfect. 

I know... that's gonna make someone mad. NOBODY IS PERFECT, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT ANYONE I KNOW IS CLAIMING TO BE! 

I'm just saying it's not ME to only post about the times my children and I are getting along, because quite frankly... I find moments like these... 

QUITE entertaining and hilarious.

And the fact is? I've taken heart, and I'm ready to be "ME" again.

I like it when you like me, but I like myself more... when I AM me.

Signing off... <3

Keepin' It Real ALL THE TIME: "It's Gotta Stop"

About three people have noticed I've taken a bit of a break from blogging for the last few months. There are lots of reasons, and they don't really matter today. I've even drafted a few posts, but I haven't felt very motivated to post. 

UNTIL NOW.

And now? I mean it!

KEEPIN' IT REAL ALL THE TIME: "It's Gotta Stop"

Last week, another one of my former students' lives was lost due to suicide. I don't remember how many students it is now... 

but the fact is: It's happening 

and IT'S GOTTA STOP!!!!

Because even if it was only one... well, that's 

ONE TOO MANY!

I've had a rush of feelings and memories the past couple of days- Not only of this particular student, but all of my students. I taught many of them for 5 years straight (watching them grow from middle school to their senior year in high school when they left me embracing all that life had to offer with all the vigor in the world)!!! 

SO, WHAT HAPPENED? 

Well, whatever it is... it's happening everywhere.

And although it is NEVER ANYONE'S fault when something like this happens, I do believe there are a few things we can do to prevent it.

AND THAT???? 

HAS GOT TO START!!!!

All day today, I have been wracking my brain thinking of all of the things that I do to try to make other people happy, and to let them know that I love them..... little things that I wonder if we all spent a little more time trying to do... maybe we could spread a little bit more happiness, rather than pain and sorrow. 

I came up with a little list. It's nothing new, but it does come from me...

HERE'S JILLIAN'S LIST OF WHAT MAKES PEOPLE TICK...

#1 - Compliments

It's not that I'm so vain and self-centered that I need people to notice me all the time, but I'm just saying... it's nice to hear a compliment every now and then, and I have noticed that complimenting is a LOST ART! 

I don't like to toot my horn too much, but I must say, I'm a 

"Class-A Complimenter" (is that even a word?)

I learned early in my life that a compliment ALWAYS breaks the ice and is a GREAT way to ease into a conversation. It's not that I'm being fake. I'm not going to lie to you, but it has become second nature to me. I almost always start a conversation with a compliment. Doesn't it make sense? You INSTANTLY make people feel welcomed, loved, noticed, and special.

DUH!!!! 

Not too long ago, I went somewhere and I was lookin' pretty fly. There were a lot of girls there. (I say girls because I don't expect boys to ever say anything). I was wearing a brand new outfit... surely someone was bound to notice. NOPE! NOT ONE compliment the whole time I was there. Well, maybe I didn't look that good? 
NAH... that couldn't have been it. I knew I did. 

So what the heck? Where did the complimenting go? I thought back to my girlfriends back at home. I know that the FIRST thing that would have come out of their mouths would be...

"Dang! You look good!"

Who hears that, and doesn't smile or get super cute shy? C'mon!

So people... COMPLIMENT OTHERS!

And for the record, if you've never heard me compliment you... 

1) I must not really like you

2) You probably don't look that good

or 3) Open up your ears...

(Chances are? It's #3) 

#2 - Validation

I don't care who you are, EVERYONE wants to feel validated.

Let other people know that their voice is heard. Even if you disagree with them, you can ACKNOWLEDGE them AND their statement before you throw in your 
fire of a rebuttal.

Make people feel like what they are doing is important. Please excuse me as I speak in "mom" terms right now... it's what I do best, but I know these things can apply to anyone anywhere.

How many of you, when a child falls down and skins their knee say, 
"Just wait 'till you break a leg!" 

Or a teenage girl who just got dumped by "the love of her life"

"Don't worry about him. You won't even remember his name 10 years from now."

UMMMM.... NO!

And why wouldn't you do that? Because it's rude? Inhumane? Derogatory? Patronizing?

EXACTLY! 

So then... please tell me WHY do we do the adult version of this?

"I'm so tired! My baby doesn't let me sleep."

"Oh.. just wait until you have three."

"3 year-olds are HARD!" 

"Hmmmph... wait until they are teenagers."

SERIOUSLY???!!! 

WHY do we do this to each other? 

Oh! I know! To make other people feel like they are worthless scum? 
To make ourselves feel better?

I'm sure I've been guilty of it SOMEWHERE along the line, but my friends would be able to tell you that I don't use the terms, "Just wait" because IT... DOES.... NOT... VALIDATE....

Is one kid easier than three? Do I feel like I'm on a vacation when I only have one of my children with me? HECK, YEAH!

BUT... I remember how hard it was with just one (or two). Your whole world gets turned around and you're supposed to spend all of your time and energy making sure SOMEONE ELSE is happy all of the time?

IT'S HARD! I REMEMBER!

So, let's all grow up a little bit, and help people realize that it's okay to think that life is hard where they are.

However, with that said, the same thing goes for the other way around. 

Let's make sure we give credit where credit is due!

For example: 

Don't be doing your lamaze on the delivery table next to a woman who has a newborn babe in her arms, and look at her and say, 

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS HURTS!" 

Catch my drift?

#3 - Don't Judge and Give People the Benefit of the Doubt

I use this example all the time, but sometimes I yell at my kids.

I understand that there are a lot of moms out there who don't yell at all. 
Kudos to you! I've got some lessons to learn!

But, don't go jumping to conclusions that my kids get yelled at all day long and can never catch a break. 

I've noticed something about myself since living in Grenada:

I yell when I'm hot

I yell when I'm hungry

I yell when I feel physically trapped (a little claustrophobic)

I yell when I trip over things

I yell when I feel like I'm getting judged for my children's 

behavior.

There are certain things that trigger my crankiness. And it would just be so nice if people saw me lose my temper with my kids... that instead of raising their eyebrows and rolling their eyes because they assume that is the norm, if they came over and said, "Hey... you must be having a rough day (thus acknowledging the fact that people don't think I'm always like this), what can I do to help?"

We never know what underlying problems may be going on in someone's lives. Maybe we should just assume that they know better than we do (when it's their life).

#4 - Contact Others When You Think of Them

There have been days that I have been curled up on my bed just sobbing. Life is hard, and it doesn't seem like there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Does it happen to anyone else? 

Whatever... I know it does...

Have you ever thought of someone at the most random time of your day, and thought, "I wonder how they are?"

You have? WELL, YOU SHOULD FOLLOW UP ON THAT!

Sometimes when I am down in the dumps, my heart aches because I feel like no one cares. I'll say a prayer, "Please... doesn't ANYONE care about me right now? Do I always have to be the one to ask for help? Can't someone just think of me for a change? Do I always have to slip through the cracks because everyone thinks I've got it together?"

Well... I am a FIRM BELIEVER that people don't just "pop" in your head for no reason at all. It's for a dang good reason. They probably need you to buoy them up. 
So DO it!

There have been so many times I have stared at my computer thinking, 

"Will SOMEONE please just message me? I don't know who to go to for help... so will someone PLEASE just come to me?"

And it's heartbreaking when they don't.

Of course, we HAVE to be willing to reach out to others and ask for help when we need it, too. I TOTALLY believe that.

But, WHAT IF????

Everyone in the world contacted ONE other person every day who "happened" to pop into their head?

That would be A LOT of people who are thought of! That would be a LOT of happiness spread around in the world in just one day.

#5 - Love

I think we think this is harder than it really is. It doesn't take much to love someone else. It takes selfless service, sacrifice, acceptance, affection, and understanding.

It's easy to say that you "love" your family, your spouse, your parents, your children, your close friends, but what about people who we really aren't that "close" to?

Can we still love them?

A RESOUNDING YES!

As a teacher, I LOVED my students, and although I haven't spoken to most of them since the last time they left my classroom, I still love them. Sure, they drove me nuts most of the time. Sure, I was super sarcastic and wouldn't accept late work under any circumstances. Sure, I told them that they just asked me a REALLY stupid question... but the fact is? I LOVED THEM!

I'm pretty sure that some of the best laughs in my life occurred in my classroom. I'm pretty sure that they shaped me into the person I am today. AND... 

I'm 100% sure I STILL love them, care about them, think of them.

I wonder if this student who's life was ended too early knew I still loved her and still cared about her? I'm sure she didn't. We haven't spoken or had any correspondence for years, and she probably hasn't given  me a second thought. 

I'm sure she had no idea of how many people really do love her. I'm sure she felt all alone, like there was no one in the world who cared, I'm sure her definition of "LOVE" was clouded.

 My heart aches for her as I think of the pain and anguish she must have felt to get to this point in her life: the moment when she feels like there is nothing worth living for. My heart sinks for the family, friends, and loved ones she left behind: the feelings of "Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently?"

REMEMBER, IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT!!!!!

I cannot reiterate that ENOUGH!

But, of course, that is much easier said from the outside.

I guess my final point tonight is this:

#6 - Look for the Subtle Signs and Calls for Help

There is so much sadness and heartache in the world. People are hurting, and they are hurting EVERYWHERE. Look around you (but don't look for signs of hurt, because the chances are... you won't see the hurt). 

WHY?

Because we are SOOOOO set on thinking that life has to be perfect all of the time? WHY? Because we have become so guarded? Because we feel like everyone else around us has got it together, so there must be something wrong with us? Because we can't share our true feelings... I'll be judged! 

BECAUSE OF SOCIAL MEDIA????!!!!

Why do people get so bugged when I post something negative up on Facebook? 

Seriously people? My husband is GONE 12 hours a day... and I talk to children 5 and under... ALL... DAY... LONG... pretending to be dogs, babies, and purple minions. You kind of get to a point that you don't know who to vent to. 

So? I just put it out there for the whole universe to see! 

"That's so lame. She's just trying to get attention." 

"WELL, NO S#*@, SHERLOCK! Of course, I'm trying to get some attention! Help me, PLEASE!" 

BUT... what happens instead? People will roll their eyes, people will tell me to take it somewhere else, people will tell me to cheer up... life isn't so bad, people will "one-up" me with their disaster of the day and make me feel like a Class-A LOSER... 

The list goes on and on.....

WHY, OH WHY are we so bad at answering calls for help?!! 

So, open up your eyes AND ears...

And don't look for the hurt, but look and listen for the subtle cries of help, because they ARE out there. ALL... THE... TIME....

And then? 

GO OUT, AND DO SOME GOOD.

Signing off... <3