Keepin' It Real ALL THE TIME: "It's Gotta Stop"

About three people have noticed I've taken a bit of a break from blogging for the last few months. There are lots of reasons, and they don't really matter today. I've even drafted a few posts, but I haven't felt very motivated to post. 

UNTIL NOW.

And now? I mean it!

KEEPIN' IT REAL ALL THE TIME: "It's Gotta Stop"

Last week, another one of my former students' lives was lost due to suicide. I don't remember how many students it is now... 

but the fact is: It's happening 

and IT'S GOTTA STOP!!!!

Because even if it was only one... well, that's 

ONE TOO MANY!

I've had a rush of feelings and memories the past couple of days- Not only of this particular student, but all of my students. I taught many of them for 5 years straight (watching them grow from middle school to their senior year in high school when they left me embracing all that life had to offer with all the vigor in the world)!!! 

SO, WHAT HAPPENED? 

Well, whatever it is... it's happening everywhere.

And although it is NEVER ANYONE'S fault when something like this happens, I do believe there are a few things we can do to prevent it.

AND THAT???? 

HAS GOT TO START!!!!

All day today, I have been wracking my brain thinking of all of the things that I do to try to make other people happy, and to let them know that I love them..... little things that I wonder if we all spent a little more time trying to do... maybe we could spread a little bit more happiness, rather than pain and sorrow. 

I came up with a little list. It's nothing new, but it does come from me...

HERE'S JILLIAN'S LIST OF WHAT MAKES PEOPLE TICK...

#1 - Compliments

It's not that I'm so vain and self-centered that I need people to notice me all the time, but I'm just saying... it's nice to hear a compliment every now and then, and I have noticed that complimenting is a LOST ART! 

I don't like to toot my horn too much, but I must say, I'm a 

"Class-A Complimenter" (is that even a word?)

I learned early in my life that a compliment ALWAYS breaks the ice and is a GREAT way to ease into a conversation. It's not that I'm being fake. I'm not going to lie to you, but it has become second nature to me. I almost always start a conversation with a compliment. Doesn't it make sense? You INSTANTLY make people feel welcomed, loved, noticed, and special.

DUH!!!! 

Not too long ago, I went somewhere and I was lookin' pretty fly. There were a lot of girls there. (I say girls because I don't expect boys to ever say anything). I was wearing a brand new outfit... surely someone was bound to notice. NOPE! NOT ONE compliment the whole time I was there. Well, maybe I didn't look that good? 
NAH... that couldn't have been it. I knew I did. 

So what the heck? Where did the complimenting go? I thought back to my girlfriends back at home. I know that the FIRST thing that would have come out of their mouths would be...

"Dang! You look good!"

Who hears that, and doesn't smile or get super cute shy? C'mon!

So people... COMPLIMENT OTHERS!

And for the record, if you've never heard me compliment you... 

1) I must not really like you

2) You probably don't look that good

or 3) Open up your ears...

(Chances are? It's #3) 

#2 - Validation

I don't care who you are, EVERYONE wants to feel validated.

Let other people know that their voice is heard. Even if you disagree with them, you can ACKNOWLEDGE them AND their statement before you throw in your 
fire of a rebuttal.

Make people feel like what they are doing is important. Please excuse me as I speak in "mom" terms right now... it's what I do best, but I know these things can apply to anyone anywhere.

How many of you, when a child falls down and skins their knee say, 
"Just wait 'till you break a leg!" 

Or a teenage girl who just got dumped by "the love of her life"

"Don't worry about him. You won't even remember his name 10 years from now."

UMMMM.... NO!

And why wouldn't you do that? Because it's rude? Inhumane? Derogatory? Patronizing?

EXACTLY! 

So then... please tell me WHY do we do the adult version of this?

"I'm so tired! My baby doesn't let me sleep."

"Oh.. just wait until you have three."

"3 year-olds are HARD!" 

"Hmmmph... wait until they are teenagers."

SERIOUSLY???!!! 

WHY do we do this to each other? 

Oh! I know! To make other people feel like they are worthless scum? 
To make ourselves feel better?

I'm sure I've been guilty of it SOMEWHERE along the line, but my friends would be able to tell you that I don't use the terms, "Just wait" because IT... DOES.... NOT... VALIDATE....

Is one kid easier than three? Do I feel like I'm on a vacation when I only have one of my children with me? HECK, YEAH!

BUT... I remember how hard it was with just one (or two). Your whole world gets turned around and you're supposed to spend all of your time and energy making sure SOMEONE ELSE is happy all of the time?

IT'S HARD! I REMEMBER!

So, let's all grow up a little bit, and help people realize that it's okay to think that life is hard where they are.

However, with that said, the same thing goes for the other way around. 

Let's make sure we give credit where credit is due!

For example: 

Don't be doing your lamaze on the delivery table next to a woman who has a newborn babe in her arms, and look at her and say, 

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS HURTS!" 

Catch my drift?

#3 - Don't Judge and Give People the Benefit of the Doubt

I use this example all the time, but sometimes I yell at my kids.

I understand that there are a lot of moms out there who don't yell at all. 
Kudos to you! I've got some lessons to learn!

But, don't go jumping to conclusions that my kids get yelled at all day long and can never catch a break. 

I've noticed something about myself since living in Grenada:

I yell when I'm hot

I yell when I'm hungry

I yell when I feel physically trapped (a little claustrophobic)

I yell when I trip over things

I yell when I feel like I'm getting judged for my children's 

behavior.

There are certain things that trigger my crankiness. And it would just be so nice if people saw me lose my temper with my kids... that instead of raising their eyebrows and rolling their eyes because they assume that is the norm, if they came over and said, "Hey... you must be having a rough day (thus acknowledging the fact that people don't think I'm always like this), what can I do to help?"

We never know what underlying problems may be going on in someone's lives. Maybe we should just assume that they know better than we do (when it's their life).

#4 - Contact Others When You Think of Them

There have been days that I have been curled up on my bed just sobbing. Life is hard, and it doesn't seem like there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Does it happen to anyone else? 

Whatever... I know it does...

Have you ever thought of someone at the most random time of your day, and thought, "I wonder how they are?"

You have? WELL, YOU SHOULD FOLLOW UP ON THAT!

Sometimes when I am down in the dumps, my heart aches because I feel like no one cares. I'll say a prayer, "Please... doesn't ANYONE care about me right now? Do I always have to be the one to ask for help? Can't someone just think of me for a change? Do I always have to slip through the cracks because everyone thinks I've got it together?"

Well... I am a FIRM BELIEVER that people don't just "pop" in your head for no reason at all. It's for a dang good reason. They probably need you to buoy them up. 
So DO it!

There have been so many times I have stared at my computer thinking, 

"Will SOMEONE please just message me? I don't know who to go to for help... so will someone PLEASE just come to me?"

And it's heartbreaking when they don't.

Of course, we HAVE to be willing to reach out to others and ask for help when we need it, too. I TOTALLY believe that.

But, WHAT IF????

Everyone in the world contacted ONE other person every day who "happened" to pop into their head?

That would be A LOT of people who are thought of! That would be a LOT of happiness spread around in the world in just one day.

#5 - Love

I think we think this is harder than it really is. It doesn't take much to love someone else. It takes selfless service, sacrifice, acceptance, affection, and understanding.

It's easy to say that you "love" your family, your spouse, your parents, your children, your close friends, but what about people who we really aren't that "close" to?

Can we still love them?

A RESOUNDING YES!

As a teacher, I LOVED my students, and although I haven't spoken to most of them since the last time they left my classroom, I still love them. Sure, they drove me nuts most of the time. Sure, I was super sarcastic and wouldn't accept late work under any circumstances. Sure, I told them that they just asked me a REALLY stupid question... but the fact is? I LOVED THEM!

I'm pretty sure that some of the best laughs in my life occurred in my classroom. I'm pretty sure that they shaped me into the person I am today. AND... 

I'm 100% sure I STILL love them, care about them, think of them.

I wonder if this student who's life was ended too early knew I still loved her and still cared about her? I'm sure she didn't. We haven't spoken or had any correspondence for years, and she probably hasn't given  me a second thought. 

I'm sure she had no idea of how many people really do love her. I'm sure she felt all alone, like there was no one in the world who cared, I'm sure her definition of "LOVE" was clouded.

 My heart aches for her as I think of the pain and anguish she must have felt to get to this point in her life: the moment when she feels like there is nothing worth living for. My heart sinks for the family, friends, and loved ones she left behind: the feelings of "Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently?"

REMEMBER, IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT!!!!!

I cannot reiterate that ENOUGH!

But, of course, that is much easier said from the outside.

I guess my final point tonight is this:

#6 - Look for the Subtle Signs and Calls for Help

There is so much sadness and heartache in the world. People are hurting, and they are hurting EVERYWHERE. Look around you (but don't look for signs of hurt, because the chances are... you won't see the hurt). 

WHY?

Because we are SOOOOO set on thinking that life has to be perfect all of the time? WHY? Because we have become so guarded? Because we feel like everyone else around us has got it together, so there must be something wrong with us? Because we can't share our true feelings... I'll be judged! 

BECAUSE OF SOCIAL MEDIA????!!!!

Why do people get so bugged when I post something negative up on Facebook? 

Seriously people? My husband is GONE 12 hours a day... and I talk to children 5 and under... ALL... DAY... LONG... pretending to be dogs, babies, and purple minions. You kind of get to a point that you don't know who to vent to. 

So? I just put it out there for the whole universe to see! 

"That's so lame. She's just trying to get attention." 

"WELL, NO S#*@, SHERLOCK! Of course, I'm trying to get some attention! Help me, PLEASE!" 

BUT... what happens instead? People will roll their eyes, people will tell me to take it somewhere else, people will tell me to cheer up... life isn't so bad, people will "one-up" me with their disaster of the day and make me feel like a Class-A LOSER... 

The list goes on and on.....

WHY, OH WHY are we so bad at answering calls for help?!! 

So, open up your eyes AND ears...

And don't look for the hurt, but look and listen for the subtle cries of help, because they ARE out there. ALL... THE... TIME....

And then? 

GO OUT, AND DO SOME GOOD.

Signing off... <3

Keepin' It Real ANYTIME: "Sometimes Life Hands You a Lemon"

You know what?

It's pretty silly for me to have a "Keepin' it Real FRIDAY" post, when it's me. 
I ALWAYS "keep it real" anyway.
(should be demonstrated in tonight's post)

So, why just limit my "real-ness" to Fridays, right?

After all, that's why you haven't heard from me in so long. I get tired come Friday!!!! 
I mean, didn't you read my last post? 
"I'm tired!" 

I actually really enjoy writing, but not when I feel like I HAVE to do it. So now.... my "Keepin' It Real" posts will come any time I dang well please. 

And today????

"Sometimes Life Hands You a Lemon"

Yup... That's me stuck with the double stroller on a REALLY steep hill.
That was QUITE the predicament.

I really want to keep this short. Let's see if that's possible:

The Problem: 
Medical School is HARD!
STUDYING non-StOp!!! 
We hardly ever see Bryan.
This semester? 4th term? The dreaded term.
EVERYONE is scared of this term.
It's hard, it's PACKED with information, and it's time consuming.
His schedule? M-Sat, 7-8 am to 11pm at school, not even coming home for dinner! UGH!!! Shoot me now!!!! 

So... We decided we were going to take the bull by the horns. 
And according to a good friend of ours? 

"4th term is a beast, and you tamed the hell out of it."

Taming "The Beast."

Why, thank you.
I'm glad you noticed. :) And you know? We really were. 
We really thought we had it beat. 
And the weird thing is? I actually didn't mind 4th term. 
In fact, I kind of liked it. 
Our family was more unified than ever before-- 
Unified in the "Bryan effort." 
All hands on deck,  the perfect team.

Or so we thought...
Then came the LEMON.

Pucker up, Buttercup!!!! 

We got tired.
He got tired. 
Everyone was burnt out.
No light at the end of the tunnel - for you see, when he finished this set of exams, he still had six more weeks to go. BOOOO!!!!



Turn it into LEMONADE! 

Still rockin' the glasses. One lens in and all.

"You're almost done, Sweetheart."
"This is the hardest six weeks of the first two years." 
"We'll keep busy. You keep studying."
"Let's just get through this."
"You're almost there."



LEMON:
Exam week came. 
He was confident (not cocky), I was at peace.
I just knew everything was going to be fine.
And, you know what? Exam week didn't go as well as we planned.

Don't worry... I've got the green light from the 
"Man of the Hour" 

to post this.

I asked him what he thought was the best way to let people know about it was. Because we knew that eventually, people would start talking... they always do.

I mentioned the blog, and said that if people really wanted to know how we felt, they would read it or ask US questions. And if they didn't, well... they would talk about it with other people.

His response? "Yeah... go ahead. I've got nothing to hide."

HENCE, FOLKS... WHY I CLAIM WE 
"KEEP IT REAL."
(Have I mentioned I LOVE him?)

This is our "Kissing Under a Waterfall" shot. :)

It's true. We don't have anything to hide. He's not the only one who will have to retake a course, and he sure as heck won't be the last. 
What good is avoiding it going to do?
Make everyone feel awkward and unable to talk about it?
Continue with the social media folly of pretending that our life is perfect?
That may be for some people, but it's not for us.

So... "Life Handed Us a Lemon."

We will NOT be done in December.
We will be done in the following May (2014).
We are down. We are frustrated. We are angry. We are scared. We are nervous. We are sad. We are upset. We are tired. We are heartbroken. We are downtrodden and distraught. We've cried. We've (Okay... I'VE) punched things.
You name a negative feeling.
We've felt it.
It means we don't start clinicals until August instead of May. 
We have to swallow some pride.
We must postpone our arrival to our beautifully CONVENIENT American Country.
Longer without a temple.
Longer without Disneyland.
Longer without a dryer. More line drying.
Longer without a dishwasher. More hand washing (dishes).
No carpet. More tile.
 No A/C. More heat.
More mosquitos... UGH!!!! 

And worst of all? More studying.

BUT!!! 
That's my point. We got handed a LEMON! 

He makes the best "lemon" faces!!!

What are we gonna do about it?
BETTER MAKE SOME LEMONADE.
(and become Grenadian)

Yeah... That's me jumping in. I LOVE this place!

We GET to be here six more months! 
We GET to live on this BEAUTIFUL island longer where the people are loving, warm, and beautiful.
We are at peace.
Things happen for a reason.
We are happy we're together.
There's more time for friends/family to visit. ;)
He gets to learn the information TWICE! 
All the better to pass his boards.
He has longer to study for the "Step."
He will still graduate the same time as before.
He will still begin his residency at the same time as before.


More waterfalls, less phone bills.
More beaches, less traffic.
More pools, less of a rush.
More of the island we have fallen in
 love with.
More of the people whom we
 love to serve.


And best of all?
He will still become A DOCTOR!!!! 



Don't get me wrong. I'm having my ups and downs. I'm still saying "Why me?" every once in awhile. 
However...

It's probably a blessing in disguise,
so I better grab some sugar and make some
LEMONADE.

Signing off... <3

Keepin' It Real Friday: "I'm TIRED!"

It has been a LOOOOOOONG day. 

And I'm 

Pooped!

It feels as though I'm like this every Friday night now. 

I can't even think straight in order to write my "Keepin' It Real" posts anymore. 

I always have so many brilliant ideas about what to write, and then I start writing and I can't ever seem to stay awake!

I can't even tell you how many times I've fallen asleep while trying to write tonight's post, not to mention how many times I've changed the topic.

This last week, I called myself 

"hot-headed" because I got VERY "worked up" about a few things (understatement of the century). My friend called me "passionate." I like that. I'm not cranky. I'm passionate. 

Because I'm so passionate; however, I ALways have something to say. It's just a matter of whether or not I choose to say it. And this blog? Well... that's where I get to let it all out! 

Trouble is, this last week, there were OH SO MANY things AND people who have gotten on my nerves, that I can't even put my thoughts together, nor can I pick just one thing to rant about.

But that's okay, because it brings it all back home and leads me to my next:

KEEPIN IT REAL FRIDAY: 

"I'm tired!!!"

Today I have:

• Worked out
• Wiped 6 poopy bums
• Fed 4 mouths breakfast, lunch, and dinner
• Cleaned the bathrooms (all to find my baby trying to play in the toilet bowl)
• Cleaned the kitchen
• Kissed boo-boos
• Sung songs
• Played peek-a-boo
• Danced
• Hung laundry
• Swept the house (all to discover that our broom for SOME reason smells like pee... thus leading to me mopping that room). 
• Cleaned up toys
• Cleaned up vomit
• Gave my baby a bath
• Slipped in pee and cleaned that up
• Scolded and Disciplined a little
• Yelled a couple of times
• And smiled... a lot, A LOT A LOT!

ALL TO DO IT AGAIN TOMORROW AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY........

Get the picture?

C'mon Moms all over the world. You know EXACTLY what I'm talkin' about.

So today? I'm tired. I should have been in bed a LOOOOOOONG time ago. My day tomorrow could suffer a great deal because I'm still up typing, yet I felt a sense of duty to "keep it real" and let you all know that my head is currently bobbing up and down as I finish this post. 

If that's not dedication, I don't know what is.

This is what I do. The reward, I'm told, is priceless.

And I go through a lot of this...

and this...

in order to simply catch a small glimpse of that reward.

And tomorrow... I am motivated by the hope that more will come.

Signing off... <3

Keepin' It Real Friday: "I'm the Wife of a Medical School Student"

My SWEET husband is home tonight!!!

AND he just informed me of this: 

He said,

"I'm caught up. I'm not going back to school tonight. I'd like to just cuddle up and watch a movie with you." 

WHAAAAAAAT????

"Oh! And give you an AMAZING head massage!" 

(Okay... he never said that.)

 For those of you who don't know? 

This is a biiiiiiig deal. MONUMENTAL!

And... :( Sadly, The most dreaded 4 months of medical school is 

inevitably. coming. our. way......

(beginning Monday) Wa-Wah-Wahhhhh....

So? What does that mean for my "Keepin' It Real" post?

I won't leave you hangin' like I have in the past when I've been busy. 
That's just plain rude.

I WILL post something! I have 3 whole readers who can actually still stand me after my last FB rant.

Here it is:

#8 "I'm the Wife of a Medical School Student"

He's My Everything.

I'm so proud of him.

He's come a LOOOOONG way to get here! 

(Just like every other medical school student all over the world.) My GOSH! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY DO!!!!!!

We thought getting IN was the hard part. Well, it was, but man... this ride is InTeNsE!

Bry continues to improve his study habits every semester, and he's figuring out what makes him tick 
(other than me, of course).

There is truly no way to explain what he does 

(nor what we do to support him)

until you've done it. 

HOLLA AT ME!

So? My post?

I'm "Keepin' It Real."

PEACE OUT SUCKAS!!!!

I've got myself a movie to watch!

Signing off... <3

Keepin' It Real Friday: "#7 "Uhhhh.... I Guess I'll Just Jump In Now?"

Alright, Alright, Alright...

First, you can call me a slacker all you want for not updating my awesomeness of a blog for the last month. 
Or, or, OR....
You can realize just how cool I am to have 2 months of STRAIGHT visitors. Did I get to tour a paradise Caribbean Island for two WHOLE months?
Why yes, Yes I did.

NOW.

Let me be clear on one thing before we get started on today's topic. Even though I admitted and confessed many of my downfalls and follies last month, I want you all to know, that I'm still pretty...

(yeah, you know)

"A" MAZING!

You know it, and I know it. 

Just thought cyberspace should know it, too. :D

Friday is here again, and I have SO many things I could write about! Today, I've got something on my mind because I SWEAR

I have been put in this situation too many times, and it's just so

Awkward!!!!

"Keepin' It Real Friday"

#7 "Uhhhh.... I Guess I'll Just Jump In Now?"

(Concord Falls, Grenada)

So... there's really not a TON to write about with this topic because it's pretty self-explanatory, BUT just in case you DON'T have normal social skills, I'm here to "keep it real" and help you out. 

Because, let's face it... you need help.

*No worries. I'll be here all day.*

So... awhile ago... I'm sittin' at the pool, LOVING life, and the 

Sunset!!!

And up swim a couple of people. Now just to clarify, they have encroached on MY space. I'm just "Keepin' It Real," and I was there first! No, it is not my pool, but I was by myself, doing my own thing.... FIRST!

Now, I'm a pretty easy person to talk to. I am a smiler, I am a conversationalist, and I sure as heck am not shy. 

All of these things work out in my favor to meet people.

But then... 

you have these people...

Those who come and interrupt MY SPACE, and THEN proceed to have the most lame conversation I've ever heard, talking loud enough for me to hear every word of their conversation, but never quite inviting me to join in.
Hmmmm.... Don't quite know what to do with that one!

Well, Introductions: I'm Jillian, and I WILL solve a problem. 
So? Here were my options. 

1) LEAVE?
LOL! Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen. 

I'd rather let Kent eat my shorts.

(Yeah... that's really what he's doing)

2) Ignore these sorry excuses of oxygen consumers? 
Mmmm.... nope!

I would NEVER give ANYONE that kind of satisfaction!

 Or?
#3)!!!!! Join in the conversation while resolving the cause of their discussion in the first place. Continue to talk while watching them look at each other uncomfortably and with eyes firing, 
"How DARE she invite herself into OUR conversation?" 

TICK THEM OFF!

WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!

Of course, I chose #3.

Mission Accomplished.

Moral of the Story? Don't talk around me if you don't want me involved in the conversation. It is inevitable... 

I. WILL. JOIN.
(ask anyone)

See??? This is Jill. Just "Keepin' It Real."

Sometimes life in Grenada gets hard! 
You're FORCED to listen to conversations you don't ever want to be a part of. :D
"Well, that's ten minutes of my life I'll never get back."

Life's not roses.

But... Someone's Gotta Do It.
(might as well be me)

Signing off... <3